Finding Myself...

I am watching outside, through the glasses and waiting for that red dragon to hide behind the mountains.I know that till the time that dragon is energised with its yellow light, i can try hard to make myself a robot.But after that i am exhausted, i am tired, i am frightened, i am left like a normal human being who has something on the left side of his body which pumps to flag-off the battle between emotions and intellect.

I am riding my bike whose indicator fluctuates in between 80kph-90kph like a Melancholy's child.I feel lost in the sweet parody of songs sung by someone sitting on the rear seat.I havent ever understood who controls the handle of my bike.It sometime goes on the wrong track and sometime on the right track but finally it stops in the parking of surajban society,the place where i dont want to go.I love to walk on the road feeling the rusty wind which always hisses to ask me "What are you doing?" "Why are you doing this?" "What do you want?"
I cant answer them but i feel good to get tortured by them.

I am sitting alone on the pavement.The night dark and long like the hair of that damsel, the stars twinkling like her smile.I put my hands inside my jeans pocket and take out a packet.Again my bad luck, i have just 6 cigarettes in that packet.I start with the first but the others are waiting eagerly to burn out.I smoke out into the sky and watch them making way and spreading away to get lost.I look towards the moon, laughing at me and asking: "Who are you waiting for?"
I reply her with the same question "Who are you waiting for?"

Its 1:00am..I am sitting with my empty packet and the butts around me.I dont want to go home.There is one place where i can find my cigarettes and a cup of coffee.I go to that place and the Shopkeeper says "Roz aap hi last customer hote ho". I try to smile....

On my way back, i can just look around for a friend who can get down into my heart.

Lying on the bed i try to sleep and wait for the new morning...
I really dont know when this new morning will come or... will it ever come.